First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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