Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
