there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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