I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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