You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
