Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
