I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
