dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
