Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
