So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
