If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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