Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
