Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
