i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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