I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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