someone get that fucking seahorse.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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