Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I lost the right to judge tonight
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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