do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Can Purell be used as lube?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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