Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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