Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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