I can tuck mytits in my pants
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
