i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
