and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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