someone get that fucking seahorse.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
