either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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