Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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