She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
