i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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