I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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