If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
