I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
