nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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