Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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