So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize