well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
