I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
