What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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