Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
