So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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