Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
