There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
