I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
