I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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