i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
