Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm getting married
To pizza
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
