We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i think i have two assholes
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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