so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
