I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
