Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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