I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
