He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
