Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
