Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
