There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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