when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We're too hungover to prance.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
