The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
