Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
