evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
This show inspires me to have sex in space
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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