I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
