Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
