shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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