he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
