there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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