yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
