I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
