were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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