well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
