While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize