Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
