Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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