life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
