I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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