we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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