We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
