Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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