i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize