Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
