She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
