11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
did i walk over a car last night?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
