Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
