Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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