are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
