We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
