arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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