I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
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