hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
