I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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