She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
