Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
