Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
