Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
