Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
