please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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