just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize