Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
