Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
