I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
the liver wants what the liver wants
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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