you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
