My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
