I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
