I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
