So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
