Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we're making bets on your personal life
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
