Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
