apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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