This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
