She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
