Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
