she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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