Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
