what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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