so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
