I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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