If that was your dad, he is hot
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
